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December 13, 2005
Contentment vs. Complacency
Categories: Personal
Occasionally, I'll drive Sarah to work at Pasta and Provisions, especially when we want to go out in Charlotte. I'll take her up there in the morning, come back to Rock Hill and do whatever needs doing, then go back and pick her up when the store closes. It's rather inefficient, but it lets us go out in Charlotte with only one car and gives us a little more time together.
The store is in Myers Park, which is an old(er) money part of Charlotte. It's a very nice neighborhood -- big trees, homes that are nice but not huge or gaudy, lots of people walking around, cool local bars and shops. As I was drving to pick up Sarah on Saturday night, I caught myself thinking "This is the kind of neighboorhood I want to live in. This is the kind of life I want." Then I had to say to myself "Nakia, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
I was abashed at my own materialistic envy of the Myers Park people. I was embarrassed at my own base desires. I was the punk rock kid who railed against the system. I am the philosopher who wants authenticity and discusses Marx. I'm the educator who talks about the fallacious Myth of Merit and the educational inequalities that result from it. Yet, I find myself daydreaming about a house in Myers Park and cashmere sweaters and badger-bristled shaving brushes.
How did this happen? Do I read to many magazines? Am I becoming brainwashed by GQ and Men's Health? Isn't Target just as good as Nordstrom?
Some of it is natural, I think, given my recent assent into "real-job" status, home ownership, and life as a professor. Contrast these things with my rural, blue-collar upbringing and there is bound to be some class anxiety. Add to this neurotic mix five years of living in Charlottesville, where one wore the cashmere sweater to work in the garden and people dropped tens of thousands of dollars on garden furniture (while we and our friends helped them work out, sold them the garden furniture and woodstoves and books), then you have one messed-up, confused Pope.
Sarah and I talked about this and many other things Saturday night. One of the things we tried to hash out was the difference between contentment and complacency (or, alternatively, envy and ambition). We should be happy and greatful for what we have and where we are at. But when does that contentment lead to stagnation? Where is the line between (constructive) ambition to have a better life and sheer materialistic desire for more stuff? Is it the obejcts of that desire and ambition that matter? I want to be able to travel without feeling a significant financial pinch. When Sarah and I have children, I want them to be able to go to college without having to take out the student loans that I did. Am I equating money/financial success with personal growth?
I don't really know the answers to any of those questions. I do know a house in Myers Park will not make me a better person or a better husband or a better teacher. I intellectually know that and the sooner that intellectual knowledge reigns in the base desires (to drop some Plato on you), the better things will be.
Posted by Nakia at December 13, 2005 02:23 PM