I guess it all started back in college. McDonalds was the only place close to campus. We'd go there after fraternity meetings. I'd run by on my way to class. Sometimes, Daniel and Kirk and I would go eat Egg McMuffin's after our Health and Exercise class. Nothing like a McMuffin and a cigarette after running 1.5 miles.

When I moved to Texas, I discovered that a McDonald's coke first thing in the morning was sublime. Maybe it was the fizz, or the sugar, or the way they mixed it all together, but I loved it. A sausage McMuffin with egg and a coke did me right, got me going. I was on a McDonald's coke a day habit for three, maybe four years. It lasted well after I moved from Texas. It didn't help that the damned things were everywhere -- right across from my office, right on my way to work. You can't escape them.

I gradually gave up the McDonald's food. Swore off of it for Lent, then managaged to extend the fast. The cokes kept on though. $1.07 in the AM was all it took. I rode the sugar/caffine snake day in and day out.

Not sure what it was that made me stop. One Lent, I think, I just gave up fast food alltogether. I wouldn't set foot in a restraunt that had a drive-thru, and I certainly wouldn't drive-thru. I stil had the occasional coke in the morning, though. Mostly I got them at the bagel joint in Charlottesville. They were really fizzy; just the way I liked them. Gradually, I gave those up, too. No coke in the morning, no fast food at all.

Now, though, I've fallen off the wagon. Not McDonalds though. I've only eaten or gotten a coke at a McDonald's once in the past year, to my regret. Now, it's Bojangles. Sausage biscuit and small pepsi (it's even pepsi, how low have I sunk!). I don't know what it is. The slighly spicy sausage? The fluffy biscuit? The fact that $2.25 is all it takes? What's next, waiting for my wife to leave for work then running to the jangles drive through on my way to the office. Wait, I did that! Is this rock bottom? I don't know, but I do know my craving is writing checks my body can't cash. I do know I can't go on like this. I have my wife to think of. I've got a good job. I can't put all this in jeopardy. . .

I need help. 12 steps, sponsor, whatever it takes. I just want to get better.